- 1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the building standing. Its called the stock market. 2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wal-Mart Street. 3. The difference between a pigeon and an investment banker. The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW 4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas and an investment banker? A tie! 5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right, and on the right side nothing's left. 6. Warning to the People of Nigeria. if you get any emails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam. Don't fall for it 7. What worries people most about the credit crunch: if one of their checks is returned stamped "insufficient funds," they won't know whether that refers to them or to the bank.
- CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investment banker to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance & the wife gets no jewelry. VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. BROKER -- What my broker has made me. STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock. STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who should be now locked up in a nuthouse. PROFIT -- An archaic word no longer in use. RECESSION -- when your neighbor loses his job. DEPRESSION -- when you lose your job. RECOVERY -- when Barack Obama, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank, Franklin Raines, Charlie Rangle, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi lose their jobs.
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