Obama’s Top Ten Accomplishments - His First 100 Days - Satire

H/T to First Conservative for the following satirical post: As we approach the blessed milestone of President Obama’s first 100 days in office, it is time for a look back at His top accomplishments. The President began his term by expressing concern about the sheer number of problems faced by the nation and has since taken drastic action to exacerbate each.

One can’t call the President a liar for not attempting to keep his word. However, what many simply thought was campaign rhetoric, turns out to be the actual set of Obama objectives. Should the liberal media ever analyze campaign positions and discuss implications of certain proposals, the country could have a reasoned discussion over which would be the better candidate. Unfortunately, emotional rhetoric seems to carry modern elections and America will have to endure. This past election cycle was determined by the chill going up Chris Mathews’ leg.

For now, as we hit the 100 day mark, it is appropriate to look back at the damage the President has done to the country, and to be fair, look at His accomplishments, including:

10. Entering the oval office through the window – in an attempt to display his super human powers, the President attempted to enter the Oval Office through a window. Photographers that captured the incident are still being sought.

9. Getting the teleprompter equipment through European customs – Transporting this much stuff required the White House to procure a dispensation against trafficking in performance equipment. Europeans don’t’ like a lot of American hardware flowing through their nations, so they were suspicious of this much equipment and technical support personnel. All ended well, though when the Obama ‘roadies’ made good friends with those that the President was apologizing to.

8. Closing Guantanamo – To payback his lunatic leftist supporters, President Obama signed an executive order closing the Guantanamo detention center within the first few hours of his Presidency. While the world’s loons rejoiced, an unnamed reporter inadvertently asked where the prisoners were to be taken. Obama staff then realized that their jobs required actually doing work and not simply telling others what to think.

7. Keeping Biden gaffes to a minimum – Since the election, the Vice President has been held in an undisclosed, secure location – As the VP once referred to his boss as “Barack America” Biden is not to be let loose on the public. Look for Biden to reappear sometime in early 2011 to kick off the next Presidential campaign by taking attention away from the President’s failures.

6. Bribing media to keep questions easy – and to keep them waiting at their dinner bowls for the next scrap of misinformation thrown to them by Robert “Soft Shoe” Gibbs. Some journalists however, have been trained to act independently, such as CNN’s Susan Roesgen. She has received her invitation to the President’s Press Dinner and will get something other than held-over chicken in wine sauce.

5. Finding people to work with Geithner – This is an ongoing task and has proved a bit more challenging than originally thought. Prior to being appointed Treasury Secretary, Geithner didn’t think he should have to pay the same kind of taxes employers pay on their workers. (Democrats typically think they are better people than the rest of us and should be able to leave the distasteful task of paying taxes to evil conservatives.) When the firestorm finally subsided, Obama made the decision not to appoint anyone else that had not paid their taxes. Accordingly, no Democrat has been identified that fulfills that requirement.

4. Taking no position on the use of enhanced interrogation – Or.. rather… taking all the positions at once. After telling security workers they were safe, the President heard from his nut-job supporters and took another stance without rejecting his first position. Threatening to prosecute those that successfully prevented further loss of American life after 9/11 has successfully shut down one of the last pieces of government apparatus that accomplished its objectives.

3. Establishing a position as a living saint – The President has used his oratory skills to keep approval numbers up while keeping the economy down. This by itself should be considered a miracle. But given the state of public education – maybe not.

2. Redistributing wealth – Obama successfully set the expectation that Joe the plumber will receive a CEO bonus. Unfortunately, due to His 2010 inflation this might be true. After all, he didn’t promise how much his inflation tax would cost.

1. Fooling most taxpayers into thinking they’ll get a tax cut - Putting all the pieces together, President Obama has masterfully woven media ignorance and compliance together with the lack of education on how a free economy functions, to create the illusion that the middle classes will receive a tax cut. Tax rates for middle class folks will modestly decline, but the price for their lunch salads will go through the roof. By structuring it this way, the lettuce pickers will be blamed for rising prices and not the President.

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